Today is my 1st wedding anniversary and to be honest I cannot believe it’s already been one year! It feels like he just proposed yesterday and we were at our ceremony this morning. It’s been a fantastic year and we’ve done so many wonderful things together like buying our Disney points and going to Costa Rica, London and Greece. But that doesn’t mean it’s been all rainbows and butterflies. Like every relationship it’s taken some time to get used to. Here’s what I’ve learned in my first year of marriage.
This isn’t a fairytale
Do you remember the old TV shows with the man walking in the door with his briefcase and the wife runs up to him and says “Hi darling! Dinner is all ready and the children are perfect!”? Yeah, that’s a load of bullshit. We’re too busy! I don’t always have time to cook dinner and he doesn’t own a briefcase. Sometimes I don’t see him before work and when I get home he’s already sleeping. However, I always make a point when I do enter the room and see him I make sure he’s the first person I say hi to and then give him a kiss.
It’s been really hard. We’ve had our fair share of fights. I think I read somewhere every good relationship has it’s fights and disagreements. I don’t want you to think we’ve spent the whole year fighting. We actually have very few fights and we always getthrough them. It sounds silly, but I think fighting is important because it shows your partner what you’re truly passionate about and what’s important to you. I don’t get mad at him if the dishwasher isn’t loaded or ran because it’s not a big deal. However, I make sure to never forget an important work meeting he has because I know his job is very important to him and sometimes it can be very stressful.
There’s also no such thing as “true loves first kiss”. You know the one. Where the prince comes in and kisses the princess and they live happily ever after and nothing could possibly go wrong. Yep, that one. When I first met my husband and we started dating I would get that “butterfly” feeling in my tummy and every time I talked about him I would smile like a silly schoolgirl. That’s not the case anymore. Instead when I think of him I get a warm feeling that reminds me I’m safe. And instead of thinking about just his face I think about all the things we’ve shared/done together. I’ll admit I still smile like a schoolgirl when I think about those things.
It’s much better than a fairytale
Growing up I always imagined my life a certain way. I would get married at 22, kids by 25 and we would be living in a mansion in Florida with palm trees surrounding our house. Priorities change. I didn’t get married till I was 26. We don’t have kids yet. And we would love to move to Florida, eventually. Instead we are close to family. Working to advance our careers. And taking everything one step at a time, while also enjoying everything we possibly can.
In the year of our wedding we lost 3 grandparents. He lost his last grandparent, his grandma, who I’d grown to absolutely adore. I was lucky in my life to know all of my grandparents and 2 of my great grandmothers. So when I lost my grandma in April and grandpa in December I was an absolute wreck. I remember completely breaking down one night and he just held me and let me cry. Knowing I’ll always have that rock in my life makes marriage truly remarkable.
This is real life. It’s not easy and there moments I need my best friend to pick me up. And there are other times where I’m dying to tell my best friend something exciting that happened. Well I live with my best friend. He’s always there and most of the time he’s with me experiencing the same things and sees the excitement or the problem. He knows me better than anyone and I can always, always count on him to be there for me.
3 things every marriage should have
- Understanding each other is vital to a marriage. However, it takes time to really know each other. Let me tell you, I am still learning things about him and I have a feeling that won’t ever change. This can be frustrating. I am a morning person. I’m up by 6:30 every morning and I’m actually chipper even if I haven’t had coffee. When we got married I wanted him to be the same way. I wanted to go out and have brunch on the weekends, take walks and go out and start the day at 7. He on the on the other hand is the complete opposite. He won’t wake up till 10 – 11 and he HAS TO HAVE coffee. Nonnegotiable. It’s taken time and patience to learn how the other works and what they think.
- We’ve found this is the absolute most important aspect of marriage. Take it from me. Don’t hide things. Everything comes out and you live such a close life there’s no way to keep secrets. Absolutely no way. It’s better to be open with each other so if there is a problem you can face it head on.
I spent my whole life going to Disney World. I’ve always been a kid at heart and when we first started dating he couldn’t believe how carefree I was. As soon as he went to Disney with me the first time he understood. We got married and part of our honeymoon was in Disney. We bought Disney points before we bought a house. And we bring Disney home. (Do you see the Disney theme yet?) Life is stressful enough. Don’t spend your whole life tense and wishing for something better. Go out and get it. When you have each other nothing is truly life destroying.
Charlie and I are stubborn, pigheaded and we always think we’re right. This might clash every once in a while but we’ve made it work and we’ve made our marriage one of a kind. We have patience with each other. We talk about everything. But most of all we have fun. We might not live the definition of a fairytale but it’s our fairytale and it’s made me the happiest I’ve ever been.